Russian Wildfires' Cause Revealed!

Environmentalists have claimed that this has been the hottest summer in recorded history and this proves we are beginning to see the consequences of climate change.

Want a concrete example?  Look at the previously unheard-of wildfires that struck Russia this summer.  The extreme heatwave, the story goes, caused a severe drought which allowed wildfires to spread.  Sounds convincing, right?  But what actually sparked the fire?

The answer's quite simple: the Russian government has resumed testing the Cold War-era Soviet weapons.  One of these is a heat-ray that was designed to trigger wildfires in America.  (Why do you think California now has a year-round "wildfire season"?)  The weapon misfired, and 26% of their crops were destroyed.

Guess who will be sending the closet commies food relief in a few months?